ADRIENNE'S HIV BLOG – Hivine's Weblog

HIVINE is written by HIV positive women but still with a sense of humour

Doodle Blog

 

Woof – Lady Doodle (or Doody to my mates) from the Blackburn hood here. Thought it was about time I had a woofin say. She’s always doggy blogging about me but that’s only her version of events and there are some matters that need setting straight just for the record, especially in regard to what she describes as the doggy training fiasco. Huh! Calling me an ASBO puppy!

For short I will refer to her as PM – which stands for Pack Mistress, although she has yet to qualify for that esteemed leadership title. I believe that the United Kingdom has a newly elected PM but from what I can make out he doesn’t deserve the title either.

Guess what she, my stoopid PM, was doing today? She was shopping and I don’t mean retail therapy, she can’t afford that. I mean editing the photos of her wrinkly mug from the Gilead photo shoot on something called adobe. First she blew herself up, (not literally although I have to say there are times when I wish she would – especially when she stops me from digging up the garden) then she used something called a blur tool and magically made her wrinkles disappear. You should have seen her staring at her image in wonderment on the computer screen gloating with satisfaction and tittering away to herself. But then she pressed the undo button and all her wrinkles came back. Ha! That sent her into a depression and was accompanied by a bout of heavy sighing and that word beginning with an ‘f’ which she uses when I’ve pulled her pony tail bobble out, or run off with her only remaining pair of knickers that sport any elastic – that is until I’ve had a tug of war with them!

Depressing yourself like this is no way to entertain yourself now, is it? It’s much more fun having a chew on the toilet brush or biting the ends off coat hangers. I keep offering her the toilet brush to have a chew on, but she grabs it off me then shakes it in the air using that ‘f’ word again.

Things have been very different round here in the Blackburn hood of late. Instead of the usual stream of water that falls constantly from above, a big hot ball rose up in the sky and stayed there shining brightly all day. Because of this she said we didn’t need to go to dog training today, which was a huge relief as she is a total embarrassment as a Pack Mistress, getting herself all wound up like she does, dropping sausage all over the floor and even resorting to pathetic snivelly girly tear tactics at times. Instead she rolled up her track suit bottoms and lounged motionless on the swinging seat all day. Then a very strange thing happened. She started to change colour in front of my very eyes and turned bright red, especially her nose. I can hardly recognize her.

Just to please her, when it cooled down a bit, I let her lead me along the road wearing that Halti muzzle thing (me not her) she bought from Pets4Homes and walked beside her very sedately at her old lady pace without tugging her over. Boring as hell but what can you do. She was so pleased with herself, showing off what she thought were her PM skills to passers by, repeating ‘heel heel’ in a silly high voice when there was absolutely no need.

I put her lack of PM skills and general lack of coordination down to her age and those funny things she swallows every night that look like sweets, but she wont let me have any.

“Snozzles off,” she shouts at me, “These are extremely toxic. You dogs are lucky, you can’t catch HIV.”

Huh, I can catch anything – balls, sticks, you name it.

“But you still love me anyway, regardless, don’t you,” she pats my head fondly.

It’s true, I do love her, I don’t care what she’s got as long as it includes doggy food in the cupboard – and I’m not prejudiced, nor am I misinformed. I’ll drink out of her cup any day, or lick her plate and even take the food out of her mouth if she’ll let me. She’s got some other strange habits too which I don’t quite get. Every morn as soon as she gets up, she puts a stick in mouth then sets fire to it. She repeats this at regular intervals throughout the day. I know I’m obsessed with sticks and I’ll put one in my mouth any chance I get, but I don’t see the need to set fire to it.

I’m pleased to announce that she has finally butched up enough to let me off the lead on the field (it was either that or having her arm pulled out of its socket) so I can now chase birds to my heart’s content. Talking of birds as well as blogging I think I might have a go at tweeting. One of PM’s Twitter followers who describes herself as ‘Diva with AIDS’ @raelt has given her dog Sophie baby its very own twitter page @Sophie_RLT – so watch out for me on the twittershere as opposed to the doglittersphere.

Up to now I’ve only managed one tweet or woof but you can follow me @LadyDoodledog and I will follow you – even if you haven’t got any chopped up sausage.

1 Comment»

  Pete Widrick wrote @

I REALLY liked your post and blog! It took me a minute bit to find your site…but I bookmarked it. Would you mind if I posted a link back to your post?


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