ADRIENNE'S HIV BLOG – Hivine's Weblog

HIVINE is written by HIV positive women but still with a sense of humour

Lily the Pink

It could be the metatonic (sounds like a heavy metal band) but for some reason I woke up feeling happy. I was suitably shocked. What was this strange unaccustomed emotion coursing through my veins? Happiness – and not in the Ken Dodd sense as blessed with more of his share of a penis. Well, at least not the last time I looked.

Maybe its my new meds, but more likely it’s down to the twice daily imbibing of my recently discovered medicinal compound, metatone, which apart from tasting like a delicious liquor, also seems to be doing me the power of good. Perhaps it’s the same one that Lily the pink lady from Liverpool invented? If you are as old as me you might remember the much sung song by The Scaffold, but then again, if you are as old as me and especially if you have HIV, you will probably be suffering from both long and short term memory loss. Metatone contains vitamin B of course, known to help with depression and is a wonder vitamin as far as I am concerned, so if you are feeling down give it a try and –

“Let’s drink, a drink, a drink to Lily the pink, the pink, the pink, the saviour of the human race, cos she invented, medicinal compound, most efficacious, in every case.”

Like my famous predecessor Lily, I may be feeling in the pink, which in economic terms means in a good financial position, but where my bank and my credit cards are concerned I am definitely in the red. To be ‘In the pink’ means to be in perfect condition, especially in regards to health, which hardly applies to me. In the nineteenth century being in ‘the very pink of the mode’ also applied to fashion. The colour pink was chosen to epitomise the pinnacle of quality because Elizabeth the 1st was an admirer of the Dianthus flower (pinks to me and you). If someone is tickled pink, or you tickle someone pink, you cause the recipient to glow with pleasure. This particular recipient sadly hasn’t been made to glow with pleasure for many a while, in fact I can’t remember the last time. Pre HIV I suppose, if I ever had a life before it – I can’t remember what that was like either.

In feng shui terms, pink should be in the south life area (where’s that?) I’ve heard of South Park but to be honest it’s a bit too rude for me, although I love ‘Shameless’ and you can’t get much ruder than that.

In the 4th Chakra, which is the heart chakra, pink is the colour of emotional love of self and others, as in great universal love – and not the catalogue I hasten to add, although I do believe their summer range this season strongly features pink and flesh tones. When this chakra is blocked there is no need to take out your plunger, call a plumber or even ‘Drains r us’ – simply wear lots of pink. Flamingos are festooned in pink all the time and so was Barbara Cartland, but I wouldn’t fancy lounging my life away on a sofa swathed from head to toe in varying shades of pink like she used to do, or worse still standing on one leg all day with a bent u bend for a neck.

It’s certainly been a hard few months for me (what’s new?) and in the words of yet another song, “It’s been a long hard lonely winter.” Awful, terrible things have happened, beyond imagination, but …“Here comes the sun…. here comes the sun… its alright.

 Well, some things are not alright. I lost my driver and I’m not talking Miss Daisy here. I’m talking about my brand new computer. Where did my bloody driver drive off to I wanted to know? Whilst I was searching for it I somehow caused a head on collision, a multiple pile up in cyberspace and the whole caboodle crashed on me. I don’t know about you, but if my computer, or my car, is not running well, then neither am I and I cant rest until I cure it. But there is no such thing as an NHS help line, alternative remedies or even a pc friendly garage where computers are concerned, you have to consult cyberspace. In the meantime, losing my driver is driving me crazy.

And as for my car, that’s also falling to pieces. The electric locking system no longer works and you have to stand for hours twiddling the key to left and right looking furtive like a car jacker in the hope that it will yield. Eventually it always does, but not today and I was already late for an appointment. I was parked outside the local courts of justice. A group of skinny hoodies were huddled on the steps smoking and waiting for their case to be heard. They watched me with interest from under their hoods, hoping to pick up some new car jacking techniques from this asbo granny. They got more than they bargained for as it turned out as asbo granny was forced to hitch up her skirts and climb in through the hatchback – very ungracefully I have to say, as the hips are not what they were, with much cursing and swearing. Being outside the magistrates court I presume there were CTV cameras in action, so you’ll probably be able to catch me on you tube, this time as the granny jacker.

However, aside from all that, I think I’ve discovered the solution to the following – depression, old age, extreme poverty, enforced shopping at Aldi and Lidl and the lack of retail therapy, which every woman needs. It’s easy, aside from imbibing metatone every day, you simply rediscover what you’ve already got – a bit like altzeimhers, when every day you go somewhere and it feels like your going to a different place because you’ve forgotten you’ve been there before. I started with my wardrobe and rediscovered items I’d forgotten I had. That was all jolly good fun, but I have to say, no where near as satisfying as having a good old spend at the Trafford centre. I then moved on to my appearance, as in my face. The creams and potions do not seem to be working, so I thought I’d try some natural remedies. I recalled the words of the renowned Mexican Philosopher and beauty expert, Hector Ramon Alfonzo Gonzales. Well, Hector to me. Dear Hector was my taxi driver when I was in Mexico for the World AIDS conference 2008, although he didn’t know what I was there for of course. He thought I was just another tourista open for ripping off. But nevertheless a bond of friendship grew between us as we sat sweating together for hours in his non air conditioned taxi in the midst of the traffic jams of Mexico City

“Adriana,” he’d shaken his head sadly, had a quick spit out of the window and sighed in-between honking his horn, “Why you khave so many wrinkles? We have same age, but look me, I khave no wrinkles.”

What he was saying was undoubtedly true, nevertheless, at the time I wished he would concentrate more on the road and less on my arrugas, not to mention refrain from gobbing at passers by.

“Khow you do that Hector?” I asked him in my perfect Spanish, not in relation to the gobbing, “Khow you have mejillones (cheeks I think or it could mean muscles, either way it was a compliment, unless it was the fishy kind of course) as smooth as a ninos culo – baby’s bum.

“Ees simple,” he took his hands off the wheel and momentarily ceased honking and gobbing to demonstrate his technique, “Every night when I feenish driving my taxi, I put khoney on my face, like thees (he patted his mejillones) and you Adriana must do the same, promeees me you weel do it.”

I promised. I even promised to send before and after photos. I lied of course. It felt quite pleasant when I applied the honey to my arrugas and obviously it tasted nice too, so I plonked a few more dollops on my nariz (nose) and tried to plaster the cracks at the side of my boca (mouth). I then went to bed leaving it to have a good soak in and went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I was in some kind of torture chamber, my cara (face) stretched tight like I was wearing a mask, my pelo (hair) glued to my mejillones and my moustachio stuck down – only joking – well?

I decided to investigate Hector’s honey theory at a much deeper level and sure enough, there was quite a lot about it on the world wide web. Dear Hector however was not the first to come up with the honey theory, he was pipped at the post by Rasulullah sallallahu alaighi wassallam (I am not making this up) who mentioned the numerous benefits of honey more than 1400 years ago. The Chinese, of course, have known about the health benefits of honey for centuries and believe that it increases longevity.

“Tea made with honey and cinnamon arrests old age and keeps skin fresh and soft. Life span also increases and even if a person is a 100 years old, starts performing the chores of a twenty year old.”

In my experience, twenty year olds perform very few chores and where males are concerned, especially sons, this can extend well into their thirties and beyond.

Honey also allegedly reduces cholesterol, so for those of us who suffer from increased cholesterol thanks to the meds, we could come off those horrible statins and drink lots of brews (Lancashire for tea) and eat honey and butties (Lancashire for sandwich) instead.

This is the recipe and I am seriously going to try it an report back.

2 Tablespoons of manuka honey mixed with 3 teaspoons of cinnamon powder mixed in 16 ounces of tea water can reduce the level of cholesterol in the body by 10% within two hours. It can also help with arthritis, strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacteria and viral attacks. Does that mean attacks by the HIV virus as well? Wouldn’t that be great if instead of the highly toxic cocktail of pills we have to stick down our necks every day all we had to do was drink a nice cup of tea.

“I like a nice cup of tea with my dinner, I like a nice cup of tea with my tea, and when its time for bed, instead of taking meds, I’ll have a nice cup of tea.”

The HIV Virus ‘in the pink’

If I want to stay feeling ‘in the pink’ maybe I should dye my hair pink too? It’s better than a blue rinse when all is said and done. I can remember the time when all ladies of a certain age (i.e. mine) had a blue rinse on their permed heads and looked like blue cauliflowers.

Maybe I’m feeling more ‘in the pink’ because I made the decision to change my meds. Which all goes to prove us ‘pozzers’ should take control of our medication and if it doesn’t suite us, insist on a change of regime. Take control of our meds as well as our heads, and our hairstyles.

There has been recent talk of an HIV cure – scientists have discovered some form of, as they describe it, smoking out the virus. Well, I have been trying that for years, but obviously I’ll have to change my brand of tobacco, along with my meds.

 

3 Comments»

  Viv wrote @

Hi Adrienne
You sound much better. When I read that you’d been taking Metatone, I nearly called an ambulance because I thought you’d resorted to methedrone – that awful street drug of the moment that pretends to be plant food and is about to be made illegal! Then I read a bit more carefully and realised you were ok. Phew.
About manuka honey. It’s wonderful stuff and has anti-bacterial properties (as long as you buy the 10plus variety. It comes from New Zealand where the bees feed on the flowers of the manuka shrub (I think manuka is the Mauri name for tea tree). Anyway, and this is my point. Yesterday morning I had an e mail from my New Zealand friend who said that millions of bees have been wiped out this year by the virea mite. So Hiviners, if you want to ensure your supplies of the stuff, then stock up now as it might become scarce and even more expensive than it is now. (Not that I want to cause panic buying).
Adrienne, how do you stop your face sticking to your pillow when you go to bed smeared in the stuff?
Love
Viv

  Loraine wrote @

Fantastic to hear you IN THE PINK
You have made me laugh and smile again with you writing.

Thank you Adrienne,

love Loraine. XXXX

  Viv wrote @

I meant mephedrone!
Viv


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