ADRIENNE'S HIV BLOG – Hivine's Weblog
HIVINE is written by HIV positive women but still with a sense of humourArchive for February, 2010
Band of Gold
Tell me you haven’t fallen for it?
Of course not.
Tis big scam.
I know that.
You have, haven’t you?
Well, twas only old wedding ring, anyway had it shrunk years ago to fit little finger till found out meant you were gay.
You very stoopid sister, which one you do?
Can’t honestly remember – was it ‘Cash my Gold’ – ‘Postal Gold’ – ‘Gold for Idiots’ – ‘Goldblinger’ – isn’t really one called that but maybe good idea.
Actually, think it was one with Dale Winton. Trust him cos he has regular job on Init to Winnit, innit? And pick of pops. He doesn’t need to make extra money doing adverts. Wasn’t his mother famous film star with brassy blonde hair like Diana Dors? – and me! I have also now brassy blonde locks after taking up colour discount offer at hairdressers. Fine example of, you get what you pay for – and nother reason why needed instant cash.
“I sold my old wedding ring and got more money than I ever hoped for.”
“I sold my gold and got two tickets for World cup” – what he sell, gold bar?
I sold my old wedding ring and got 22 pounds fifty – and brassy locks.
Should have spent money in Aldi or Lidl or Chinese Takeaway. Was just about enough for a Mr Wok as opposed to a Mr Wonderful. Never did find a Mr Wonderful, that’s why sold old wedding ring. Didn’t want to pass it on to son if he ever gets wed for fear of passing on bad luck. cue for a song
“When your old wedding ring was new” – have to sing it like Billy Connelly when impersonating drunk in Glasgow pub.
Not much chance of finding Mr Wonderful, or pot of gold at end of rainbow, or heart of gold now at my age or in my condition – anyway, don’t want to pass condition on either.
cue for nother song
I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold – keeps me searching for a heart of gold – and I’m getting old.
Talking of condition am about to change meds again. Doc said was at high risk of heart attack and that’s not just because of butter and smoking fixation. Meds cause high cholesterol. Have been saying that all along but doc in denial. Finally admitted could be Kivexa so am changing combination to Truvada. Who comes up with names for these drugs? Kivexa sounds like posh girl’s name.
“Kivexa, go to your room immediately.”
“Truvada, I’ve told you a million times daddy can’t afford to buy you another pony.”
Kivexa bright orange colour. Who in charge of colour mix additives for meds? Need other more modern minimalist designer on job – all combinations neutral to match carpets.
Truvada blue – better than orange I suppose. Maybe will stop looking like been I’ve been tangoed.
“Will it make eyes blue again instead of yellow?” ask doc.
Not laughs doc – prescribes more statins to lower cholesterol, more pills to combat sleep disorder possible side effect of meds, more pills for stomach problems definitely caused by meds. tis like nursery rhyme –
there was an old lady who swallowed a fly I don’t know why she swallowed a fly perhaps she die.
there was an old lady who swallowed a spider
that wriggled and wiggled and tiggled inside her
she swallowed the spider to catch the fly
I don’t know why she swallowed the fly
Opportune moment to plug my autobiography –
“The Spider and the Fly” by Adrienne Seed
for sale on lulu
Am looking at new pill now, is size of horse pill. Who comes up with size chart for pills? Definitely need minimalist designer on job to make them more minimal for people who can’t swallow horse pills.
There was an old lady who swallowed a horse – she’s dead of course.
Tea and Sympathy
Somebody better take that knife off me!!
He’s a little teapot short and stout here’s his handle – but wheres his spout!