ADRIENNE'S HIV BLOG – Hivine's Weblog

HIVINE is written by HIV positive women but still with a sense of humour

Poker Face

After my last blog I received many touching messages of support and also helpful advice on how to combat depression. For example Viv suggests soaking in a long leisurely bath with a bar of chocolate as opposed to a bar of soap and even taking a bar as in bottle of wine in with you, whereas Willo talks about bird baths (or maybe it was feeders?).
Anyway, I decided to take their advice, without the nuts and strings of bacon fat and pamper myself. Fortunately, I have a surfeit of bathing products resulting from my sixtieth birthday and Christmas, enough to last me for years, in fact the numerous jars of wrinkle cream I received (I can take a hint) will probably outlive me.
The question was which bath stuff to indulge myself in? I finally plumped for the ‘Soap and Glory’ range the brand that makes my ‘mother plucker’ lip plumper. Their other products also have name play titles such as ‘Butter yourself up’ body lotion, or ‘do your own flirty work’ moisturising mist and of course the ‘Fill monty’ dab on instant wrinkle filler. After an initial soak, as directed, I first used the ‘flake away’ body polish. These polishing products contain hundreds of tiny particles of grape seed or crushed avocado nuts or whatever other seeds or nuts they choose to crush, or maybe just plain grit (so that’s why they ran out?). This stubborn residue refused to be washed off and stayed stuck to my body like sand from the beach, leaving me feeling like I’d been pebble dashed.
I think ‘Soap and Glory’ need to come up with a de gritting product – ‘De gritter British public,’ for example or ‘Grit Britain’, which is what the snow ploughs should have done instead of leaving us all snowbound for weeks.
That day I was depressed was apparently the most depressing day of the year.
How predictable of me.
But at least it was good to know I wasn’t suffering on my own. Grumpy Luis who is now back in Ibiza after his Christmas sojourn on my sofa is also feeling depressed.

Hello? or maybe I should say Hola?

How can you be depressed in Ibiza? But according to him everyone is deprimida (Spanish for pissed off) and blaming it on the creesis, “All people in Ibeeeza talking bout creeeesis, everyone in creesis, bars in creeesis, Luis in creesis, whole world in creeesis.”

Well, I didn’t want to listen to anymore of that, so I decided to play the new CD by a popular Spanish band Luis had bought me for Christmas, only to find one of the songs was about bloody creesis. Luis right, even Spanish bands in creesis, even had creesis por el chulo (pronounced cool o) Chulo means bottom. Imagine singing about a creesis in your bottom, although anyone taking HIV meds will be well used to that. I have creesis in my sheets because I am too lazy to iron them. I have creesis in my face when I get up in the morning, but unfortunately I can’t take the iron to them, but if there was any way….?

My son has taken to playing online poker. All I can hear all night is ping ping ping as he places his bets. The sound is invading my dreams. He sits there till morning sometimes with his new pingo as opposed to bingo obsession, wearing his poker face even though no one can see him. The definition of a ‘poker face’ is the bland expression adopted by a poker shark determined not to betray the value of his hand. To be honest, my son’s poker face isn’t much different to his normal face, especially if I’m asking typical mother like questions. I think he’d better take it easy staring at that screen, otherwise he’ll end up seeing poker dots in front of his eyes.

Talking of p p p p poker faces Lady Ga Ga herself recently paid a surprise visit to Body Positive in Manchester. Unfortunately I wasn’t there that particular day because Lady Ga Ga holds a strange and perverse fascination for me. I loved that huge surreal bath she was wheeled in for The Royal Variety Performance in front of the Queen. Shame it wasn’t a toilet then she could have had a Royal flush.

I am not a one for card games especially poker, as my face always gives me away. Poker? no she wasn’t my type. The only poker I’m likely to have in my hand is one to attack the fire with. I do love a good poke now and then. In fact, my sister once wrote a poem about me.

Two sisters went to live ont moors, they planned to take their share oft chores, till one found out her ‘arts desire, was just to sit and poke tut fire.

But sadly I no longer have a fire to poke anymore – and you can take that any way you want. If only I was an Indian squaw like pokerhontas I could sit outside my wig wam (thank you maam) and poke to my hearts content. But as for sending smoke signals – I am seriously trying to cut down. Pokerhontas was an Indian princess and supposedly a virgin, but her name in the powhaton language means Little Wanton, which I think is just outside Preston close to Wanton le Dale. Hiawatha on the other hand sounds like a remote village in Yorkshire. Indian names tend to be descriptive of what you do, Big Chief Running Water, for instance, or Running Bear, which I did after my bath. My HIV support group Thrivine is giving a ‘Taking the ‘T’ out of Stigma’ party. Maybe we should have a ‘Taking the ‘Tee Pee’ out of stigma party instead, because that’s what everyone will be doing after drinking so much tea.

Although I was a dancer in my time, as in ballet, tap and flamenco, I have never actually danced the poker. I’m quite good at pokercrastination though – especially in regard to paying off my credit card bills. Not to mention being a counsellor and pokering around in other peoples business. You can understand why I’m not currently practising!

Anyway, as you can see I have cheered up a bit and thank you all for your kind concern. They say the country is emerging from financial crisis so maybe that has got something to do with it, although I wish I could say the same about my own financial crisis. I hope this blog doesn’t find any of you in crisis – aside from hopefully with laughter.



  Willo wrote @

Must say – you did sound a bit brighter today. Maybe coming out of the winter gloom – if not the financial one.

  kat wrote @

as usual made me laugh, hubby thinks i have lost the plot! hope your finances improve, and this year brings yuou wealth x x

  Veritee wrote @

Sadly Adrienne I did not see your post about being depressed, probably because I have been more depressed myself than I think I have ever been in my life – and I guess that has made me selfish and not even taking any notice at all of what is happening to others.

I think now 2 years later the shock of finding I have HIV in my 50s has worn off and now I am seeing how boring and depressing livign with this horrible virus for the rest of my days is truly going to be .

Oh dear there I go again, I did not start this comment to talk about me, but as I said being depressed has made me selfish and self centered
What I mean to say is I am sorry I did not read abotu your being depressed before but so glad that you see to be feeling better now .

Take care
Love Veritee

  hivine wrote @

Thanks veritee, I know exactly what you mean about feeling selfish and sorry to hear you’ve been depressed too. Maybe it’s just the time of year – or our time of life, or maybe it’s just HIV. Lots of love anyway, Adrienne xx

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