ADRIENNE'S HIV BLOG – Hivine's Weblog

HIVINE is written by HIV positive women but still with a sense of humour

Come Fly with Me

Tanit the Goddess of Ibiza

So off I came on my ´Jollies´ to Ibiza after looking forward to it for weeks, determined to really enjoy myself. If anyone needed a holiday, everyone kept saying, even my son, it was me. I would get some much needed sun on my poor old vitamin D deficient bones, swim in the crystal clear waters, and eat lots of fresh fish etc. with strict orders from my son not to drink too much red wine or sangria.

Hello……. was he serious.

¨Have a really good time mum, ´ he waved me off, valiantly trying not to show his jealousy.

My suitcase wasn’t overweight for a change because I’d only packed typically touristy summer clothes, floaty white tops from Matalan and New Look, Blackburn’s equivalent to Primark. Not a liberty bodice, woolly sock, or pair of knitted underpants in sight.

Before I left my CD4 count was 641 the highest it has ever been and I was feeling great health wise. Invincible in fact.

I lasted precisely one day.

‘The best laid plans of mice and men.´

But hang about, I wasn’t a man and I wasn’t a mouse and mice don’t come on holiday to Ibiza do they, although quite a lot live here and so do rats as in unsavoury vermin of the human species.

This is where I went so sadly wrong, vanity prevailed and I took off my vest whilst watching flamenco on Cala Jondal beach, where the sun beds really are beds, round ones with cushions and cost three hundred euros a day. James Blunt allegedly owns a house on this exclusive beach and Peter Stringfellow often comes over from Majorca in his speedboat in the summer, but then Peter never wears a vest, not even a string one, he only wears a thong.
But as ol´blue eyes Frank Sinatra sang, “Without a thong the day would never end and when things go wrong a man aint got a friend …….without a thong.”
So at least Peter´s not a ´billy no mates´, although at his age he deserves to be if he insists on going around displaying his ageing behind, especially in Ibiza, though I suppose it would be worse in Soho or the Charing Cross Road, his other preferred stomping ground.

Anyway, the next day it was pissing down with rain and I woke up with a sore throat and things have deteriorated ever since, resulting in me having to take to my bed wearing a pair of borrowed socks with a bad case of constipado, which means a streaming cold in Spanish and has nothing to do with constipation, although the rate I´m going I´ll probably end up with that as well. For the time being a hacking cough will have to do and I am now I lying indisposed, still wearing the same borrowed socks, flat out on the sofa being a total couch potato, feeling very out of sorts and extremely bad tempered ……and talking of spuds, I got into a heated dispute with Luis about his statement that if it wasn´t for the Spanish there wouldn´t be such a thing as English Fish and chips because they introduced the potato to the world. When my mum was alive, her and Luis, both of them over patriotic, used to argue constantly and Luis would deliberately wind her up by saying things like Shakespeare wasn’t English for example or that Gibraltar was still Spanish and they wanted all the holes, as in secret tunnels used during the war, filled back in.

Anyway, I arose from the couch to check out the true facts and Sir Walter Raleigh introduced the potato to Ireland along with fags, so I can hold him personally responsible for my two main vices, although I didn´t actually know that he was gay.

As the only English television channel available to me, instead of “Coronation Street” and “Britain´s Got Talent”, I was forced to watch 24 hour BBC World News, where I became further infuriated by an interview on “Hard Talk” with an extremely annoying woman called Elizabeth Pisani, who for the past decade has been a so called expert ´on the ground´ whatever that means, behind the statistics on HIV and AIDS. She was talking about the HIV mafia in which she includes herself and said that HIV was spread by high risk behaviours that only minorities engage in and that catching HIV was not that easy.

I beg to differ.

She went on to state that In most countries outside Africa, AIDS is not ravaging the population as was once feared and that figures have been ”beat-up” and presented in such a way as to imply that we all could be at risk.

Hello you stupid woman ….. We ARE all at risk.

She also states that the efficacy of HIV drug treatment in wealthy countries has led to complacency in behaviour, particularly among gay men, which in turn has led to a rise in infections. She should get her facts straight….as a so called expert she should know that the highest rise in new infections is amongst heterosexuals and women. I could have quite happily strangled her when she referred cynically to the, as she put it, so called “innocent wives.”

Anyway, I am starting to feel a bit better now that it´s nearly time to repack my bag and come home, although like Robert Burn´s poor timorous beatstie in his “Poem to a mouse”, oh what panic was in my breastie thinking I might end up in a Spanish hospital again. I´d better light a candle to Tanit the healer and goddess of Ibiza who grants rebirth and regeneration and is supposed to make women strong.

It´s a shame we don´t have gods and goddesses in Blackburn, although we did have Barbara Castle I suppose, who gave women the right to pee freely in the town centre, which they do especially after a night on the lager. And we still have Jack Straw of course.

The Spanish word for straw is pajeta, but take care if you are asking for one in a bar, because like many Spanish words it can have a double meaning, which in this case relates to masturbation.

1 Comment»

  Pete Widrick wrote @

I’ve just started off a blog, the knowledge you give on this site has aided me extremely. Thank you for all your time & work.

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