Woof Woof – Lady Doodle here your resident doggy blogger. Pack Mistress hasn’t bothered to write anything recently so thought I’d better keep you updated.
Things are a bit calmer here on the home front although work on the attic has to be postponed due what PM describes as a ‘severe financial setback’ so no more therapeutically uplifting trips in the car to B&Q. Instead they took me to recycling where I nearly managed to escape through the hatchback whilst PM and Luis stumbled around in the rain trying to work out where to put things. Honestly, it’s hardly rocket science is it, all the skips are clearly marked.
“Did you put all that stuff over there?” the grouchy recycling man demands of Luis. “Should be in electricals.”
“Where do dogs go?” PM asked him jokingly (at least I hope she was joking) which I didn’t think was very funny and neither did he by the bad tempered look on his face.
“Nice mutt,” he said patting my head although his hands were a bit whiffy have to say.
Went to pets4homes afterwards to stock up on dog food for me and treats of course, where I caused my usual havoc jumping up at everyone and trying to shoplift all the squeaky toys.
“What incredible white teeth,” one man pointed at me peering at my gnashers in envy, “Never seen such white teeth on a dog. He’s like Simon Cowell.”
Huh! Can’t he see I’m a Lady.
“I know, they are aren’t they,” PM says proudly but with a touch of envy in her voice wishing her teeth were as white as mine. Tio Luis just wishes he had some teeth, white or otherwise.
What PM doesn’t know is that all those whitening toothpastes she buys are a complete waste of time and she would be far better employed using natural remedies, such as rubbing the bark of walnut tree on them like I do i.e. chewing sticks. Every dog knows from birth (we don’t have to be told) that hard wood ash containing caustic potash (potassium hydroxide) if rubbed on the teeth is known to whiten them.
The only ash she rubs on her teeth is fag ash. She keeps saying she is cutting down on the filthy habit, but I haven’t noticed. We even put her in the stocks but as you can see even that didn’t stop her from trying.
They’ve been trying to train me again after watching that Cesar Milan fellow the dog whisperer. He’s Spanish too like Tio but from Mexico, although he’s obviously been chewing on sticks all his life or at least had regular visits to the dentist (unlike Tio Luis) because his gnashers are even whiter than mine. Tio doesn’t know how to whisper and neither does she for that matter as you can see on the training video she’s put up on youtube called “Move over Cesar,” http://www.hivine.com where she tries to speak in a high posh voice, which is hardly a whisper and then lifts her bosoms up at the end like Les Dawson. Why you may ask – and the answer is I have no idea.
She’s pots for rags as they say up north, although I have no idea what that means either. Talking of rags its high time I did some chewing, so one woof for now – Lady Doodle.
